Compare & Dispair

So how many times have you looked at social media today? And how do you feel when you look? Do you get a jolt when someone likes your post or you get a new follower? Do you feel let down when no one comments or you don’t get the reactions you want? How do you feel when you look at other people’s posts? Social media has opened up a whole new world of ability to connect with people worldwide - see what others are doing, gain inspiration, share new ideas. But it’s also created a phenomenon of compare and despair. It’s human. We all do it. We look at someone else’s beautiful holiday photos or pics of their new kitchen or happy smiling kids or successful thriving business and we automatically feel deflated . 

It’s a natural phenomenon because we are wired to be social climbing beings - we are programmed to compete for resources and do what we need to survive. Evolutionarily - when the pure goal is procreation, that means females compete for the most virile male. Males compete for the most fertile female. What that translates into modern terms is comparing what we look like to those around us - usually leading to feelings of insecurity and “not enough ness” (not thin enough, pretty enough, wanting different hair, body, eyes etc.).

Compare and despair also hits us hard in our sense of self around parenting. Inevitably you’re scrolling through your phone staring at other peoples photos of happy clean bright, smiling, well behaved children calmly posting for a family photo at the same moment that you’re yelling at your kids to put their shoes on- we are late for school- while you can’t find your car keys and just noticed your blouse is on inside out.  Where’s the diaper bag? Oh damn it, it's out of diapers! Didn’t you just buy diapers?? Speaking of - what’s that smell - how is it that the baby manages to fill his diaper just as you’re trying to get out of the house?!?

So when you look at the pictures everyone else is posting of their calm, successful, beautiful lives/selves/ families is it any wonder we spiral into the depths of despair? Your inner critic screams “you suck! You won’t survive! You’re a mess”.  Our self esteem plummets and any inspiration or motivation we previously had to live our best life today has just gone down the toilet. 

I’m not telling you to get rid of all your social media. I’m not saying it’s bad. For goodness sake, without social media you wouldn’t be reading this blog! What I’m saying is be aware of how it affects you. Just like eating that candy bar gives you an initial sugar rush which might feel great, inevitably you’re going to experience the sugar crash. 

So next time you’re scrolling through your Insta, Twitter, or Facebook- take a moment and notice how you feel. Allow yourself to recognize your reactions. Label them. Notice when you’re feeling inspired and when you feel like you’re heading down the rabbit hole of low self esteem.

Noticing it. Recognizing it. Labeling it. Take some of the power out of the impression and influence it can have on you.  It gives you space between what you’re seeing and your reaction to it. 

Breathe. You got this.

Tamar