Kids & Mental Health Struggles
I want to give a shout out to all you parents out there who have kids struggling with mental health issues. Mental health issues are on the rise worldwide. Personally, I notice it just in the number of my clients and friends who have children struggling with anxiety, depression, social anxiety and even self harm. This may be that we are identifying and diagnosing these issues more pervasively. However- Covid, fear, isolation, and social distancing protocols certainly add to a feeling of lack of connection and community.
What I also notice is parents tearing their hair out and knocking their heads against the wall in relentless self blame. Parents ask me “What did I do wrong?” “What should I have done differently?” “Is my child’s situation because of the move/ divorce/ death of a pet/ death of a family member/ change of schools/ birth of new sibling (ie: MY FAULT)?”
The answer is yes and no.
All of these things are natural parts of life. Change, conflict, birth, death, illness, struggles, stress are all parts of life. It is part of being a human being. If you have a child who is struggling you can be assured that you are being a “good” parent by the fact that you are noticing that something is wrong. Noticing that they are not happy, are isolated, withdrawn, depressed, anxious, harming themselves.
Notice
2. Ask your child about it. Even if they don’t want to discuss it with you, the fact that you are noticing and reaching out means an A + in parenting.
3. Reach out for help. Contact local services: school counselor, community program, local therapists. You can always call your family doctor for a reference. The point is to REACH OUT FOR HELP.
This is not something to solve alone or “keep in the family”. No! Get outside support. For your child and for you! And stop blaming yourself! It is not your fault that your child is experiencing challenges, discomfort, pain (unless you, in fact are the one who is directly causing that, in which case, stop reading now and immediately go get help). It IS your responsibility as a parent to notice that there is a problem and call out for help. If you smell smoke, you call the fire department. It doesn’t matter WHAT CAUSED THE FIRE - you call for help.
If your kid twisted his ankle would you blame yourself? Ok, I hear you saying “yea I might!”… but the point is you’d take him to a doctor and have it assessed and treated. It’s the same with our feelings. Stop the judgment. There is no place for blame. You are a good parent by nature of the fact that you care for your child. You’re not supposed to be doctor, psychologist, and healer as well (let’s face it you’re probably already parent, chauffeur, chef, house cleaner, bill payer, toy picker upper and homework nagger at the very least).
Being a “good parent” means showing up and doing your best, NOT blaming or shaming yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back. Just the fact that you are reading this means you are going the extra mile for your kids.
Breathe. You got this.
Tamar
